There Once Was a Man from King's Crossing

This is a song I wrote a long time ago for a different LARP. To those who recognize the references, I decided to keep them intact in honor of their inspiration. That I would write this, let alone stand up and sing this at feast, is a testament to the fun I was having at the time.

There once was a man from King's Crossing
Who thought himself stalwart and brave,
And oft did he spend his time dreaming
Of all the fair maidens he'd save.

So he strapped on a sword and a shield,
Marched under the light o' the moon,
Strode into the dark with a smile on his face,
And said, "Glory and pride will come soon."

On the road, he met with a mage,
Who, seeing the man, shook his head.
Said the mage, "Your arms won't protect you from harm
Learn some spells or you'll find yourself dead."

Further out, he met with a warrior,
Who regarded the man with a frown.
"You'll likely be killed if you don't get some skill,
And besides your shield's on upside down."

On the road, he met with a cleric,
Whose pity was plain in his tone.
"You're only one man in a dangerous land.
Walk with friends or you'll soon die alone."

In the darkness, he met with a rogue,
Who smiled and snickered with glee.
"I could hear you, I'd say, from a mile away.
Walk with stealth or your death's guaranteed."

I'll tell ye not what happened,
But mind that the lesson is learned.
For suffice it to say that unto this fair day
The young champion has never returned.

They found his shield torn to pieces,
His footsteps in grim disarray.
His trousers they found in a pool on the ground,
What it was is not proper to say.

So mind the words of your betters.
On the full moon you ought not to roam.
And unless your head is as full as your heart,
You're better off staying at home.